Viva La Vie Boheme

If You Were Gay

2010-09-04T05:30:00.000-07:00

I am a married woman, I am happy and in love with my husband. I don't ever remember making a hard and fast decision ever in my life, that I would be attracted to men..(barring Angelina Jolie..cause I don't care who you are, she is HOT.) I just was always attracted to boys. The idea of "doing that" with a girl grossed me out, and still does to a degree. I know that I never made the decision to be heterosexual, I just am. I am pretty sure that I don't know any straight people that think of being straight as a choice; they just are...(see where I am going here?) So I am confused as to why there are so many people who think that being gay is a choice. I really don't get it that there are people in this world who hate people for who they choose to love. People say that homosexuality is an abomination, and it is wrong because the bible says it is wrong. Really, judging people who are different from the majority is just another way that some people choose to feel superior to others. Why? Why do we inherently have to put other people down to make ourselves feel important? Can't things be mutually exclusive? I don't see why my being awesome, should make anyone else feel or be less awesome. It is not like there is a global awesomeness limit that is going to get maxed out. My awesomeness and yours are not interdependent. Also, why would we want everyone in the world to be the same? That would make the world a pretty boring place. Is it wrong to have our own gauge of morality and police that for ourselves? What is wrong with that, as long as someone's lifestyle isn't hurting someone else? I don't see any gay people running the streets trying to "convert" straight people. Who are they hurting? Someone wrote in the bible that men should not lie together. I think it was Paul (who was a murderer before he was struck down in the street, and devoted his life to God.) Paul also said that clergy should not marry, but most Christian churches condemn the Catholic Church for for being the only Christian church that is following that teaching. It is in the Ten Commandments that you should not cheat on your spouse, or covet your neighbor's goods. I don't know one person on the planet that has not at least been jealous from time to time (in direct violation of one the ten commandments.) I don't think that there is a commandment that says "Thou Shalt Not Be Gay." The seven deadly sins are; pride, sloth, gluttony, wrath, envy, lust and greed. According to these, every Christian who is overweight, and alcoholic, lazy, vengeful or boastful should be shunned as they so readily shun homosexuals. Isn't that wildly hypocritical? In asking "What would Jesus do" I don't think Jesus would condemn, or shun anyone for being gay, he was closest to someone who was written down in history as a prostitute. As I see it, homosexuals just want to be given the same rights as everyone else, as American's, why not? It is their country too, shouldn't they have the same rights as their fellow citizens? I am straight..who am I to tell gay people they can't have the same rights as me? The decision doesn't impact me..it impacts them. Shouldn't their voices be the only ones that matter on this issue? Otherwise, we are legislating our own definition of morality. In Florida, (my home state) gay people can't adopt children. I know some HORRIBLE straight parents, and can think of gay couples that are far better suited to parent children. I think some people think gay people are more promiscuous, and would not teach good morals to a child. HOW CAN ANYONE KNOW THAT???? There are straight people who are promiscuous and would not teach good morals to a child. So, as Broadway says, "If you were gay, I'd shout HOORAY! And here I'd stay, but I wouldn't get in your way, because you see, if it were me, I would feel free to say, that I was gay."

Not While I’m Around

2008-12-05T07:08:00.000-08:00

Throughout my life, I have been punished for being sick. Ever since I was a little girl. There are some horrific stories I could share, but I have made it through those times, and I believe that I am a better person for those experiences. Sometimes. Someone once said “that which does not kill us makes us stronger.” I agree. Sometimes. Sometimes that which does not kill us makes us damaged, defective. It taints our perceptions, and makes us sensitive and lonely, and defective.

The girl, who was never allowed to be sick, became sick. Chronically, and lifelong (as my doctors describe the nature of my illness.) I power through, on my own. I call in sick less frequently than a lot of healthy people I know. I try not to let my illness limit me more than I have to be limited. I try not to complain unless asked. Sometimes though, even when I am asked, I feel like the people who are closest to me still hold it against me. Like I have power over this, and I do, to a degree. But, if any of my team of doctors and nurses were asked to describe me as a patient, I am sure their response would be “she is ultra-compliant.” I do every single thing they tell me to do, whether it is easy or incredibly hard. I think that it is my job as a patient to follow orders without fail. Then, I know if I am sick, it is not my fault. My compliance isn’t something that I normally shout from mountaintops. So I think that sometimes my people think I am somehow over exaggerating my condition. My medical team, my co-workers and I have the exact opposite opinion of me, but my people don’t normally come to those appointments, they don’t come to work with me, and they are not in my body or my head. They don’t know my pain, and my thoughts.

My greatest fear is asking for help. I feel that asking for help is somehow showing my weakness. I am afraid that if I say I need help, the people who are supposed to love me will stop. I have never really felt safe and protected by anyone but myself. I think some of that is my fault. Some of it isn’t. I don’t know what it is like to share my burdens with someone else. Carrying my burdens on my own is difficult, but it is part of me by now. In some ways, it has made me stronger. In other ways, it has made me defective.

I think that we all get to live each day only once. I feel that ruining a day with pessimism or depression over things I cannot change is a waste of my limited time. At the same time, I desperately want someone to say to me…”nothing’s gonna harm you, not while I’m around.” I want someone to say it, and mean it. I want to know that kind of security. I share myself openly with the people to whom I am closest. I want to learn how to ask for help without fear. I want to understand in my heart (not just my head) that asking for help is exactly the opposite of weak. I know, (logically, anyway) that it is a wise person who knows her limitations and seeks the help of others when needed. I just need to learn how to ask.

Forgiveness

2008-09-17T17:15:00.001-07:00

Two weeks ago yesterday, I was driving home from work when my dad called. I was stopped in the Publix parking lot when he told me that my grandmother had a week to live.

My grandmother (Nina, as I called her) was a very special person in my life. In my entire life, I never heard her say a negative word about anyone, except once when she got mad at Brooke Shields in the early 80's for endorsing a lipstick that the National Enquirer claimed she did not use in her personal life. During my tumultuous childhood, she was one of my only sources of compassion and unconditional love. I am not nearly as kind a person as she was, but what I know about kindness and love I learned from her. She would regularly and consistently go out of her way for anyone, and would not hesitate to make anyone in her path feel welcomed and at home. She loved everyone and judged no one. She always used to say to me, "you know Dani, you love me and I love you and we will always love each other." Right out of the blue. Every single time I talked to her.

She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a while ago, and stopped recognizing me about a year ago. I didn't visit her as often as I could, it was so hard to see her wanting desperately for her to know me, and every time I saw her I was disappointed, I wish I could go back and spend more time with her. She had never disappointed me during the time she was in my life, until the first time she didn't remember me, something, which was far out of her control. She passed before the week was up, but I was fortunate to spend the last two days of her life with her. In those days she told me she knew me, and she loved me. I will always have that to hold onto, and I am so thankful to have been there to tell her that I loved her too, and to kiss her goodbye.

I have a quirky bunch of family and friends. Some of them are attentive and caring and some are not. Most of the time when I think about whether or not to forgive someone, I think of her. She taught me the importance of kindness and forgiveness. She showed me that my life could be richer if I learned to forgive, but she also told me not to forgive blindly. "Forgive, but don't forget" she always said.

Two weeks ago, when my dad told me the horrible news while I was sitting in my car at Publix, I started to cry. I was already at the end of my rope, because of some worse than usual health issues and a rift with another close family member, and this news made all of those things I thought were so big, so small. I sat in my car for a few minutes to try to gain my composure before walking into the store. A woman probably no older than 22, stopped me in the parking lot, and handed me a bouquet of flowers. She said, "I saw you crying in your car, and thought these may make your day a little bit better." She gave me a hug and walked away. I started thinking about this selfless gesture, and was bewildered that someone who doesn't know me, and had no idea why I was crying saw me in distress and responded. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was exactly something that my Nina would do for someone. This stranger treated me kindly when some of my best friends and family were not even picking up the phone, (some were, and to you, I want you to know your compassion was a great source of comfort to me.) I wish I could find this stranger and tell her what her act of kindness meant to me, that I will remember her forever, and that I have learned from her gesture.

I also resolve not to judge those who have done me wrong. I will protect myself from those people in my life who treat me less than kindly, but wish them well all the same.
"You mustn't be revengeful you have to be strong, to offer good for evil, return right for wrong."

Those You’ve Known

2008-08-20T14:43:00.000-07:00

I have written many times about overcoming adversity, and I do, because it is an ongoing part of everyone's life, including mine. Most of you who know me, know that I have a lot of obstacles in my life. I really don't think my obstacles make me any different from anyone else, we all have them, they are like fingerprints, and everyone's are different. There are some major things that I have learned from my efforts to leap over my hurdles. One lesson I have learned is to look at obstacles as tools to become a stronger, humbler and happier person. Seeing things that way inspires me to make the effort to overcome my problems instead of being defeated by them. Every challenge in my life has made me better equipped to deal with the next challenge, even if one problem has nothing to do with the other. I know people who take the opposite approach. Every hardship beats them down, and it seems as if they are never happy unless they are miserable, or the people close to them are miserable. I don't understand people who approach life that way, and I hope I never do. One thing I know is that whether I, my body or someone else causes the problems in my life, they can't be solved by self-pity and anger. When I face a new trial, I get upset for a minute. But then I analyze it, determine whether it can be solved, solve it if I can, and accept it if I can't. I used to look for something or someone to blame, but that always only made things worse, and never made anything better.

I had a very unhappy childhood. I was a hurt and sad child, who turned into an angry and sullen teenager. I entered my twenties as a co-dependent person terrified of abandonment. My childhood wasn't as bad as some, but it was bad enough that I could have continued my dysfunction, and blamed every personality flaw of mine on my family. At some point, I decided that there is no use in that. Blaming my parents for everything wrong with me does nothing for my relationships with them now, and really only perpetuates the tension between my parents and me. I choose to forgive my parents for their mistakes raising me, understanding that all parents make mistakes. When I made that choice I decided that I could forgive them, or blame everything wrong with me on them. Blame is such a wasted effort, and the result only adds to the existing problem. I only get one life, and I am the only person who is in charge of making me happy. My position in life is the result of the actions and the decisions I have made to get here, no one else's. I have a lot of problems, and I do have a hard time dealing with them at times. Having problems though is not an excuse to treat people close to me badly. They also don't mean that other people's problems don't exist.

I remind myself to learn from my mistakes, and to learn from other people's mistakes. I only get one life. I only get one chance to live this day. I don't want to leave this world angry with everyone I chose to be close to. I want to leave this world a better place than I found it, and I don't want the people I loved to remember me as angry and defeated by any bump in the road. I resolve to learn from other's mistakes, and ask for support when I need it, but I will never expect anyone to solve my problems for me. Solving my problems is and should be my job. So, I forgive all which has been done to me, and learn from those experiences, because I make mistakes too, and I pray those whom I have wronged forgive me too. "Those you've pained may carry that still with them all the same they whisper: 'All forgiven.'"

I Feel Pretty

2008-02-17T13:59:00.000-08:00

I can honestly say that I do feel pretty, but that hasn't always been the case. In fact, for the majority of my life I have felt quite the opposite. The way I felt about myself was always directly linked to my weight, and what other people thought about my weight. When I was thirteen years old, someone very close to me sat me down and told me that it didn’t matter what clothes I wore, or whether I bothered to apply makeup, because when people looked at me all they saw was a fat girl. I never forgot that conversation, and how bad it made me feel. Shortly after that conversation, I started taking laxatives…a lot of laxatives. That started many years of active bulimia. The laxatives didn’t last long, they made me really sick, and so I started throwing up.

When I was in high school, I was bulimic, so I was thin, and looked pretty, but I didn’t believe I was pretty. When I went to college, I gained a lot of weight, and that weight has yo-yo’d ever since. I graduated from college, and moved to Florida. I met my first husband when I was 23, and a size 6. I gained a lot of weight during the course of our relationship, and he complained constantly about how unattractive he found me, and that I was not the same person I was when we met. So, I felt unattractive, and by feeling that way I let him dictate how I felt about myself. As if my weight defined me, and at that point in my life, I believed it did. I always felt like anything I had to offer anyone was secondary to how I looked on their arm.

After my divorce, I started writing off weight loss projects as shallow endeavors. I ate as if to tell the world “I don’t care what you think about my dress size!” As if the world cared, and I failed to understand that my deliberate gluttony proved that I did care, about everyone but myself. In spite of myself, I was lucky enough to become involved with a man who believes that I am beautiful. No matter what the scale reads. That was a nice change of pace, but I was still letting people close to me dictate how I felt about myself, positive or negative.

Being married to someone who loves me for who I am is liberating, and scary at the same time. Being who I am means I should know who that is, without the benefit of seeing myself through anyone else’s eyes. I am grateful to my husband because he helped me understand that being who I am has nothing to do with how much I weigh.

When I got sick, I blamed myself. I thought that Crohn’s was a result of Bulimia. My doctor assured me one had nothing to do with the other, but I still thought the universe was playing a cruel joke on me. I slowly started to realize that my approach to food needed to change for the sake of my health, not my appearance. It is a day-to-day struggle, but taking the food focus from pretty to healthy has been invaluable. My health is important and my dress size is not. My opinion of myself is important others’ opinions are not. I am happy to say that I am a littler healthier every day…physically and mentally, and I feel pretty.

For Good

2008-01-10T14:35:00.000-08:00

"I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn, and we are lead to those who help us most to grow if let them, and we help them in return. Well I don't know if I believe that's true, but I know I'm who I am today because I knew you."

In my life, I have had relationships with a lot of people. Growing up, I moved about every two years. As a result, I don't have any childhood friends left in my life. I am lucky enough to have held on to some friendships from my high school and college years. I cherish all of my friendships, no matter when they formed, but sometimes it is nice to have someone who knows what molded me into my present day self. My best friend from college is still my best friend. I love her as if she were my family; in fact she is my family in a sense. I love her unconditionally, and I know she feels the same way about me. We have known each other for so long, and we know each other so well, that we don't have to explain to each other why we react to things in certain ways, because we already know. It is comforting to have that kind of a friendship, understanding each other so well. Both of us had similar childhoods, and both of us have similar family dynamics, and that may be why we bond so well. We have gone through selfish periods, and we have been irritated with each other. However, what makes our friendship great is when I am sad or angry, her reaction is to explore how she can help me through my problem, it is never lament over how my problem is impacting her. I do the same for her. There is tremendous comfort in the knowledge that I have a friend I can be my total self with, without fearing that an argument or misunderstanding will mean that we never speak again.

In my adult life, I have made a couple of best friends, and I have lost a couple of best friends. Losing a friend can hurt as much as losing a romance, but relationships always teach valuable lessons. Every single person I have ever been close to has taught me lessons about myself as well as lessons about what I want and need in all of my relationships. The more profound lessons have been honesty, unconditional love and support, and compassion. They have also taught me methods of filling all of those needs for myself. A milestone in my journey to self-discovery has been learning to be my own friend. All of my friends have taught me (directly or indirectly) to love myself unconditionally, to be honest with myself, to accept my challenges, and make them into opportunities to enrich my life. Being able to do those things for myself helps me be a better friend, a better wife, and a better person.

We are all limited, and for that reason, no person can be his or her only friend. We need people to help light our paths. No one is perfect, but I know how lucky I am to have people who are able to comfort and support me in the ways that I don't know how to comfort myself. I hope they feel the same way about me. So, to all of my past, present and future friends I want say, "who can say if I've been changed for the better, but because I knew you, I have been changed for good."

The Guilty Ones

2007-11-20T16:11:00.001-08:00

When bad things happen to me, my natural first step is to find someone or something to blame. In my case, the person I blame the most for all of the world's evil is myself. I know a lot of people who do just the opposite. Either way, blame is a very natural instinct. Whether blame is placed on God, the Devil, our parents, the Republicans, or Democrats. The problem is if we blame other people for the things that are wrong with us, it just makes us angry. That anger then becomes a cycle, because it makes the people with whom we are angry, angry with us. Ultimately, staying angry doesn't accomplish anything, other than to worsen the situation. Even if those people bare some responsibility for our woes. Parents for example; they played a role in a lot of the things that are wrong with every one of us, emotional and biological. Even though they are somewhat responsible, there is a point when we become an adults, and need to stop blaming them for their mistakes and focus on what we can do to fix the problems that are within our power to fix.

Once I have the opportunity to gain some distance from an issue, I can say that I am pretty good at not blaming others. Most of the time, I blame myself. I always thought it was healthy that I had such an ability to take responsibility for myself. Then I realized that I was confusing blame and responsibility. Taking responsibility for myself is healthy; blaming myself is highly unhealthy. Blaming myself only gives me an excuse to wallow in self pity and get depressed, and who has time to be depressed? I can't do anything about my past actions, other than making amends.

Really, blame is simply being angry with someone for doing something that they can't take back. Regardless of the direction in which our fingers are pointing; at others, or ourselves. History is not changeable, but here and now, we can learn from our mistakes, and try not to make the same ones again. Forgive. Not just others but forgive you. I would rather forgive myself, so that I can focus on the more important tasks of making my life better, than remaining angry and bitter. I think that gradually, I am always getting closer to being the person I want to be. I can learn to stop carrying guilt and shame, even if the lesson wasn't taught to me by anyone other than myself. All I can do is make the best effort I know how every day and "Window by window, You try and look into, This brave new you that you are."

Epiphany

2007-11-11T15:49:00.000-08:00

Revenge. It is human nature to want to hurt the people who have hurt us. Whether that hurt is inflicted upon one person or a community of people, or even a nation of people. However, it is easy to forget that there is a thin line between justice and vengeance. Gandhi once said, "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." I agree with Gandhi, but the topic is complicated. Some people think that it is cowardly to turn the other cheek. I think it is the bravest thing in the world. When I have been hurt, it gives me so much more peace to be able to let it go, than spending any time or energy trying to exact revenge. What is really the end goal? It will not make the original hurt go away, it only adds hurt to another person, whether I think they deserve it or not. My lashing back gives the person who hurt me the justification they may have been looking for. It also gives them the satisfaction of knowing that they got to me.

It sounds easy, but it is so difficult to turn the other cheek when I am still nursing wounds. There are moments when I am so angry that I just wish karma would hurry up and smite my enemies immediately! Then I calm down, and all I can do is ask myself how I would like the situation to play out. What is my desired outcome? If I think I can salvage a relationship, then it would be important to me just to understand why they hurt me, and to get them to understand why I was hurt. If I can't salvage a relationship, aside from wanting to know why they did what they did, I should not care what that person thinks about the situation. It only prolongs the misery and hinders the healing process. I only have control over my thoughts and actions, not theirs. If I can forgive, then it makes everything easier for me. I can be happier and mentally healthier. I don't have to punish the people in my life for other people's mistakes.

While I do believe that revenge is wrong, on a small or large scale, I also believe that bringing someone to justice for hurting innocent people is the right thing to do. Bringing those people to justice keeps other innocent people safe, it doesn't just punish the offender for the pain that they have already inflicted. We just have to keep in mind that there is a difference between justice and vengeance. Not only can revenge ruin the offenders' lives but the people seeking vengeance as well.

In the story of Sweeney Todd, Sweeney Todd was a barber who lost everything that was important to him, by a crooked judge who was attracted to his wife. He comes back to London years later determined to seek revenge. His story has a tragic ending, (that I won't ruin) but not only does he ruin his own life, but the lives of many innocent people as well. In the song I have quoted, Sweeney Todd has an "epiphany." He comes to the conclusion that life isn't worth living, and bad people deserve to die for their sins, and good people deserve to die to get relief from their miserable lives. Sweeney Todd says "Now we all deserve to die, tell you why, Mrs. Lovett, tell you why. Because the lives of the wicked should be made brief. For the rest of us death will be a relief. We all deserve to die. " I don't believe life is miserable, and I wish that no one else believed it either. Death, I hope for me will not be a relief. I hope that I am able to lead a joyful life, until the day I die. I hope that all of you can lead joyful lives as well. Forgive those who have wronged you, but forgiveness doesn't mean you have to forget.

What You Own

2007-10-15T17:09:00.001-07:00

Most people who have read my entries know the main things I write about are: love, acceptance, balance, optimism and integrity. I write about these things so frequently, because they are the things I value most in my life. I have also written quite a bit about my journey to find that self actualized person lurking inside of me. I am far from perfect; one imperfection being that I do not always treat the people I love with the kindness they deserve. I have not always let them know how much I care about them. This is my greatest regret in life.

In fact, it is something that keeps me up at night. When I have treated someone close to me badly, many times, my pride has kept me from apologizing for my transgressions. It is really hard for me to admit when I am wrong. While I am much better than I have been in the past, I am still not as good at admitting fault, as I would like to be. This character flaw, paired with my talent for debate sometimes makes my loved ones admit fault when they feel they have none. Now, I don't go around treating people badly every day, and lashing out without justification, but I have to remember that sometimes it is better to be "happy than be right" as Dr. Phil would say. I heard once, that when an argument between loved ones ends with a winner and a loser, the argument has two losers. The goal should be finding common ground, and having an understanding of the other person’s perspective. This is easy to remember when I am not angry. Significantly harder to remember when I am. For that reason, when I am angry or hurt, I need time to reflect, so that after that period of reflection, I can more easily admit my wrongdoing or explain my position in a constructive way. I have learned there is no shame in being wrong. In fact, I admire the people who openly admit their faults and apologize for them. Those are the people I want to be more like.

I write these entries because when I admit my imperfections, I can learn how to be a better person. We all have to learn our own lessons, and take responsibility for what we have done, good and bad. And for lack of a less cliché way of saying it, owning my faults is the only way I know how to be the person I want to be. I just hope I can have the courage to light my own path with these lessons, instead of finding an easier way. I am not running from the things that scare me, literally or figuratively. Lastly, I remind myself, nothing lasts forever, so "I don't own emotion, I rent."

Something Good

2007-10-07T19:29:00.001-07:00

If someone asked the people to whom I am closest to describe me, I have no idea what any one of them would say. I do pray that they would choose kind words, and if they could not, I hope they would choose critical words kindly. One thing that I know about myself is that everything good in my life has come with a struggle. Nothing has been handed to me, or has even been easy for me to earn. Sometimes I get sad about that. I wonder why the people who seem to get everything handed to them are the ones who do most of the complaining about the things that they don’t have. I also wonder why they always seem to be mad at the people who hand them everything, because their benefactors didn’t give them more. Before I allow myself to become too bitter, I remind myself that it is much better to appreciate something that I worked hard for, than taking something that came easily for granted. I also remind myself how much richer my life is because of my lack of a sense of entitlement.

I believe that everything in life that is worth having is worth working to have. What I have not fully understood until now is that the end result is only part of the reward. The process has its own rewards too. Every struggle teaches me lessons in strength, humility, integrity and the value of work. Those lessons are the things that I have, that the entitled people don’t. I am happy about that, because it lets me know there is justice. I don’t have the stress of expecting my friends and family to hand me everything, and those relationships are not strained because no one resents me, and I am able to appreciate the nice things people do for me, instead of being angry at them for not doing more.

In “The Sound of Music” Maria learns that she has to face her problems, and stand up for what she wants. She gets rewarded for her strength. She ends up happy and with a beautiful family. So while her journey was a difficult one, to her it was worth it in the end. “Nothing comes from nothing,  nothing ever could, so somewhere in my youth or childhood I must have done something good.”

Come So Far (Got So Far To Go)

2007-09-29T17:27:00.001-07:00

Not too long ago, my dad and I were talking about the state of the world in general. Some of you know my dad, but for those of you who don't, let me give you a brief overview. My dad is an incredibly smart man. He is also a retired Army Colonel. He is politically active (to say the least.) For these reasons, I never really questioned his logic when I was a kid. I took everything he had to say as gospel, because if someone as smart as he was had an opinion about something it must be fact.

Then I became a teenager. I went through a phase of hating him, and doing the opposite of everything he said, because I knew everything. More times than I would like to admit, my deliberate ignorance of his advice turned out to be a really bad idea. Although it is usually a bad idea to ignore advice purely out of spite.

I find that the most profound lessons that I have learned in my life, I have always learned in phases. I apply some wisdom to a part of my life without realizing that many things that I think have nothing to do with each other turn out to have everything to do with each other. Balance is one of those lessons.

I finally grew up, and was able to appreciate my dad again, but in a healthier and more balanced way. I am able to recognize his faults, and even be angry at him for some of the mistakes that he made raising me. Realizing that recognizing his faults is much better than idolizing him blindly. Because it allows me to seek his advice when I need it, analyze it and figure out for myself the best path to take. I can also question him, and talk to him about our differing opinions.

Regarding the state of the world in general, he thinks the world was a better place in the 1960's. I disagree. I think that the world has made great progress in the last forty years. America is a much friendlier place for people who are different from the majority. Different in race, gender, sexual orientation, or for any other reason. People have fewer reasons for being afraid of exclaiming who there are to society, and I think that is a huge sign of progress. I know the stance he takes on the topic is that America had better family values back then. I am sure in some ways he is right, but that doesn't eclipse the progress the world has made in other areas.

I was really nervous the first time my dad and I got into an adult debate. Then, when it was done, I realized that he raised me (in his own way) to formulate my own opinions. He doesn't believe what people tell him to believe. Neither do I. Neither should anyone else. Part of being a balanced person is coming to my own opinions without discounting the wisdom of others. I have learned that the best way to form an opinion is to learn all sides of a story, listen to the opinions of others, then come to my own conclusion. I think my dad respects me and is proud of me for having my own opinions, because that is part of being the person he taught me to be. Even if my conclusions aren't the same as his a lot of the time.

"Hairspray" is a great story that happens to be set in the 1960's. It has made my point better than I could. "I know we've Come So Far, But we've Got So Far To Go, I know the road seems long, But it won't be long 'till it's time to go."

I know I am going to use the time I have left to make each day an opportunity help the world make progress, so that we can live in a world that accepts everyone regardless of what they look like, what they believe in, or who they love.

Hey There

2007-09-20T20:16:00.003-07:00

I have been afraid of love since I was a little girl. My parents had a nasty divorce when I was really young, and while I know that my parents loved me, I always thought that their love for me would go away one day, like their love for each other went away. They hated each other so much; it was really scary for me. I was terrified that anyone who dared to love me, romantic or otherwise would leave me one day. So, I clung to relationships. Looking back, I know that while I didn't realize it at the time, deep down, I thought that if I held on tight, those people I loved would not leave me. I degraded myself to hold onto some of those relationships. I am not proud of it, but I was too co-dependant to realize that my behavior was unhealthy. I was so scared to be left; that I never showed my real self to anyone I was close to, (not that I even knew who that was at the time.) I wasn't really focused on what was important to those people that I loved. My efforts to cling to love were foolish, and selfish, and unfair to those people close to me in my young life. I went into my twenties that way. Eventually, my romances and friendships ended, usually dramatically, and irreparably. So, I started to build a wall. I didn't want to be too close to anyone because I didn't want to be hurt. I distanced myself from my romances, my family and my friends. I didn't acknowledge what I was doing then either. I fooled myself into thinking the distance was their doing, and that gave me reason to feel really sorry for myself.

I think anyone close to me today would tell you that I am way more introspective than I probably should be...but through that introspection, I have learned one of the greatest lessons of my life. Live life without the fear that you are going to be hurt. By loving someone, we give them the power to hurt us. If we close ourselves off to love and friendships, the hurt runs much deeper than giving someone that power. At the times in my life that I felt alone and isolated, I remember that feeling of isolation hurting more deeply than any broken heart ever did. I remember feeling that no person understood me, or cared enough to understand me. That lack of understanding was my own doing.

When I finally got it, I slowly took down the wall that I built for myself, and as I started discovering my real self, I was free to be closer to my loved ones. I am so glad that I did. It allowed me to fall in love with someone who is my best friend. I can be myself, and I don't feel that I have to cling to him. It is freeing, to know that I don't have to be stressed out about being the person I think he wants me to be, because the person he wants me to be is exactly who I am. My husband loves me without condition. I love him without condition. I am not afraid of him leaving me...(even if I am evil to him on some days.) I am sure he isn't afraid of me leaving him. Even on the off chance we part ways one day, I am a better person for having been his wife. I am a better person for having been his friend. I would not trade the time I have with him for anything, and to think there was a time in my life that I would have passed him by out of fear. I could not imagine going through the rest of my life without being open to the kind of love that I have in my life right now. Every day is a new opportunity for all of us to love and be loved. Every new day is another chance to be the person that we want to be, and it is another chance to touch someone else's life. I would never make anyone close to me pay for someone else's mistakes, and no matter how many times I may get hurt; I will never close my heart to love. I hope none of you do either. As the song goes, "Hey There, you with the stars in your eyes, love never made a fool of you, you used to be too wise." I hope that even if love does make a fool of you, you will be open to being made a fool of again, having faith that time will heal all wounds, no matter how great.

Who Am I?

2007-09-20T20:16:00.001-07:00

When I was a teenager, I used to be puzzled by people who said they needed to find themselves. I heard about it all the time, to the point that it was cliché, really. I always knew who I was, and wondered how someone could spend his or her entire life in the same body, and not know. Then, I graduated from high school, and (very) shortly after that, fell in love for the first time. I had dated a lot of people in high school (as some of you know,) but I had never really fallen in love. I fell in love with my best friend. We had the best time together, but I went away to college, and eventually, the relationship deteriorated. He broke up with me, and I was heartbroken. I started dating someone new almost immediately. I think I went to a new relationship so quickly to avoid the pain of that loss. I was also trying not to face myself. Looking back on the relationship with my best friend, I still don't see the bad parts of it. I idealized it so much that I filtered most of the reality out of it. Later, in mourning that relationship, I made some difficult realizations about myself, I started thinking and asking myself the question "who am I?" More importantly, "who do I want to be?"

When I was younger, I jumped from relationship to relationship just trying to feel better about myself through being validated by someone else. I got married when I was 25 to a person who was (at heart) good. Although, I don't think he ever really saw me, or cared much to know the real me. He was struggling to find himself, too. In his journey, he lashed out at me a lot, and hurt me deeply, every day, and I hurt him back. I don't think he intended to hurt me, he just couldn't see past himself. I understand that now, and forgive him for the things he did to me, and I hope that he is able to forgive me for the things I did to him.

After much dilemma, I ended my marriage. Then, I started another relationship, with another best friend, who turned into my husband. He didn't pressure me, and he knew how damaged I was, not just from my marriage, but from life. He saw me and cared to know the real me. He knows my faults and my virtues better than anyone. A friend of mine recently said to me that our relationship was "real." I don't think I could say it any better. I don't only see the good parts of him. I don't show him only the good parts of me. He knows all of it, and loves me without condition, and I feel the same way about him.

I am still on the journey to find myself, and I think I always will be. Looking back, it was terribly unfair of me to burden those past loves with the responsibility of making me happy. I had then, and have now all of the tools I need to do that for myself. Having learned that lesson, I can share my life and my happiness with the people who are important to me in a healthy and productive way.

We all have the capacity to make ourselves happy, if we are honest with ourselves. Honest about our limitations and what we truly want from life. I have found that what is most important to me, is love. To love myself, and take care of the only mind, body and spirit that God gave me, and try to love those around me without condition or prejudice. To always strive to be a better person, even if it means facing things about myself, that I don 't want to face.

Thank Goodness

2007-09-20T20:15:00.001-07:00

When I was younger, I had a set idea of how everything should be, I thought that everyone's approach to life, and to each other was pretty much the same. As I grow as a person, and gain a little more maturity; I have realized that things don't usually turn out that way I think they should, and that everyone's perspective is different. It was a difficult lesson for me in reference to my friendships.

I used to relate to all of my friends in the same way, and any one of my friends could always count on me to say yes when asking me a favor. Then the day would come when I needed them, and many of those same friends turned out not to be there for me. This really hurt me, and made me angry and sad. I found myself lashing out at them, when they were only being themselves. Honestly, I should never have expected anything in return for my acts of friendship. I always said I didn't expect anything in return for any thing I did for my friends, but secretly, I always did. Especially at the moments when I needed them. Then, unless I told them how I needed them, how would they know? When a friend consistently gives you excuses as to why they were not there when you needed them, you don't remember the excuses; you only remember that they weren't there.

Time passed, and I grew, and I realized that we do reap what we sew. To perform an act of friendship doesn't mean that the person you are helping has to be the one to help you back. Sometimes, the person who helps you isn't the person you expected. When this happens to me now, it is always a pleasant surprise. Honestly, it is moving, when you find that an unexpected someone cares about you. I could never see that when I was looking for certain people to be there. I would write off the people who were there for me, and focus on the people who were not. It is much happier, healthier and inspiring to focus on who is with you, than looking for the person who isn't.

There is freedom in knowing that if I am there for someone, it is for the right reasons. I truly expect nothing in return. I am also a little wiser about my approach to my friendships. I am able to strike a balance for myself, and say "no" up front to favors that I can't or sometimes don't want to grant. I have learned that most people appreciate the honesty up front rather than the floundering and looking for last minute excuses to get out of things that I don't want to do. I am also more honest with myself about my friend's limitations. I have learned how to accept them and love them without condition or expectation, knowing that no one is the same, so I can't relate to everyone the same.

I am so lucky to know that I matter to a lot of people. I am lucky enough to have people in my life who treat me with kindness and generosity. I know that I don't always have to pay them back, as long as I pass the kindness along. So, while things and friendships haven't always turned out the way I thought they would, I find that nothing ever does, and that is part of why life is so interesting. And I have learned that "There's a kind of a sort of: cost. There's a couple of things get: lost. There are bridges you cross You didn't know you crossed Until you've crossed. And if that joy, that thrill Doesn't thrill you like you think it will, Still - Thank Goodness."

Children Will Listen

2007-09-20T20:14:00.002-07:00

"How do you say to your child in the night
Nothing is all black but then nothing is all white?
How do you say it will all be alright
When you know that it mightn't be true?
What do you do?"

The world is a scary place. People are killing each other for nothing more than their differing opinions. Whether the opinion is about religion, politics, money, etc. I really try to understand, and make sense of all of the violence and hatred in the world. It is really not an easy task to make sense of hatred. We are human beings, and we have the power to reason. I don't know about anyone else, but I hope to never be so egotistical to be so sure that I am right that I would be willing to kill someone who doesn't see things the way I do. I know that is embarrassing to be proven wrong, but you can learn from that kind of humility. I think it makes us grow. If I, at 33 can be sure about everything I know, then that would mean I (hopefully) have a whole lot of years left not to learn anything.

I hear some people I know speak about being saved. Even the phrase "saved" implies that the main reason to believe is to go to heaven, otherwise, what are we being saved from? I think a better reason to believe in something is to gain the tools and knowledge to live a better life now. The fact is, we don't really know what will happen to us when we die. I personally, don't want to waste my entire life consumed by the thought of death and what happens next. I would rather focus on today. What can I do today to make the world a better place for my family? In reading about Jesus, and the kind of person he seemed to be, I don't think he would have wanted anyone to ever kill anyone in His name. I don't think he would want anyone to be cast out of a community in His name. Yet, more people have been killed on this earth for their religious beliefs than for any other reason. What is the drive to hate someone based on an opinion? If we think something is wrong, wouldn't it make more sense to explore all aspects with an open mind before jumping to conclusions? Wouldn't it also make sense to try to enlighten and educate rather than banish and shun? Who ever learned anything by being shunned or cast out? Isn't enlightenment the ultimate goal? I think it would be better to have a rich society made up of many different cultures, and customs. Rather than a society that hates anyone who is different. Recognize that people are different, and loving that no matter how long we live, we have something new to learn.

My husband and I are trying to start a family. I have been consumed lately with fear. Fear that I will pass my weaknesses on to my children. Fear that I will not be strong enough to recognize my mistakes and apologize for them. It is difficult to admit shortcomings, and some people will never be brave enough to admit their weaknesses. I hope that the world's leaders will soon wake up and understand that it is difficult to teach lessons of enlightenment when they are killing people in the name of peace and equality. Children, the same people we are passing this world on to, see the actions we take. The words we say are heard by children, they will listen, and they will become the people we teach them to be. Let's teach our children to love each other, not sit in judgment of each other. "Careful the things you say, Children will listen. Careful the things you do, Children will see. And learn."

I'm Here

2007-09-20T20:13:00.000-07:00

Have you ever known people who make minor problems into major drama? I know a few people who are really dramatic about minor problems, consistently. I really can't help but feel sorry for them. It must be really taxing to get so worked up over the small stuff. I really think it goes back to making the choice to be happy, or making the choice not to be happy. It is normal to get bogged down by minor inconveniences. It happens every day, so what is the point in focusing on that stuff? The longer I live, the more perspective I get on what is and isn't worth my lament. I have said so many times, that "today is the only today that I am going to get." That in itself is extraordinary! If I make the choice to get worked up over things that don't matter in the grand scheme, then I am ruining this extraordinary day for myself, and sometimes not just for myself. It is one thing to ruin your own day, but if the days of loved ones get ruined enough, they will not be loved ones for long. Which becomes a self fulfilling prophecy for the dramatic one, because all that drama tends to drive people away.

One thing that I have learned in my life, it is really easy to find reasons to be sad or depressed or angry. I have also learned that it is really easy to find reasons to be happy. The people who are close to me know the reasons I could feel sorry for myself…Crohn's, incredibly unhappy childhood, infertility are a few. Here are the reasons that I have to be happy. An amazing husband, who loves me and thinks I am beautiful. We have so much fun, even after six years together. A house of our very own. A job that pays the bills and puts food on the table. Three sweet beautiful dogs. Bunches of friends and family. A best friend (Coley) who is there for me in all of the ways I need her to be, and who I am there for in the ways that she needs me. These are just some of the reasons that I am thankful for every day. Even if I never get anything more than I have today, I still have everything I ever needed. I am more than thankful, and happy to have all of these blessings.

In "The Color Purple" the main character, Celie has so many valid reasons to be unhappy. She chooses to be happy in spite of all of her reasons not to be. A husband that beats her, and demeans her, stepchildren who abuse her. She had a father that raped her, and no rights, or much hope to get out of her situation. She chose to be happy, and focus on her blessings. To me, that is extremely inspiring. In the song "I'm Here" she sings: "I believe I have inside of me everything that I need to live a bountiful life." "And I'm thankful for every day that I'm given, both the easy and the hard ones I'm livin'." I think that is a beautiful way to live life. Make the most out of all of it, even the bad experiences teach lessons. And lastly, love yourself, if you don't, nobody else truly will. I am thankful for so many things, but just like Celie, "most of all I'm thankful for loving who I really am. I'm beautiful. Yes, I'm beautiful, and I'm here."

Notice Me Horton

2007-09-20T20:11:00.001-07:00

One lesson that continues to elude me is pure kindness and forgiveness. Now, I try not to judge people. I try to really dig down and understand why people do the things that they do, and (for the most part) this helps me forgive. Anyone who really knows me will tell you, that I am pretty good at forgiving people I love for things that most people consider unforgivable. (Don't get the wrong idea...my husband Adam is NOT one of those people who need forgiving!) For one reason or another, some people (and there are only a few) make my blood boil! I can't bring myself to see anything good in these people, and they don't even have to open their mouths to irritate me. I only have to look at them. This is a real obstacle for me, as I can't hold a conversation without my distaste for them being glaringly obvious. Which is not fair to them, and it stresses me out, as I beat myself up over my lack of kindness every time I have an interaction with them.

Now, I am not trying to make myself into a villain here, these people have earned a spot on my "S*&% List." I do have very valid reasons for not liking each of these people, but I struggle with needing to learn to let go and give these offenders a new chance everyday.

As I learn the greatest lessons from Broadway, I am turning there again. From now on, when faced with people that make me boil, I will think of Horton the elephant. Dr. Seuss made him famous in his books, but he was also the main character in "Seussical the musical." Horton was asked by Mayzie the lazy bird to sit on her nest for just a while. She went off to Palm Beach, and left the poor elephant in a tree for months and months. He was captured and ridiculed, but he stayed faithful and never got angry. When the egg hatched, she returned and wanted the child. Horton wasn't outraged; he was just sad, but still and always kind. He forgave her for her selfishness, even though the bird hurt him. He had every reason to be angry, but he chose forgiveness and kindness. I think the people that are capable of that, are probably the most peaceful people. I want that kind of peace. The popular perception is that people who are capable of that level of forgiveness, are naive and stupid. I don't think so, I think they are the people I want to be more like.

I need to find a way to let kindness take over. I try every day to be a better person. In doing so, I have to face truths about myself that are not easy to face. No one likes to admit that they have serious character flaws. In my mind, admitting your flaws is how you grow. You acknowledge your flaws, and work on them. People who believe that everything is always someone else's fault, are (in my opinion) a big part of what is wrong with this world. Own that is yours to own, good and bad alike. The bad is just an opportunity for improvement. When you are kind, be kind from your heart, not kind in a phony "kill them with kindness" kind of a way. Then people will think only good when thinking of you. I hope that people will think that of me...one day... As Gertrude said to Horton "I will not give up hope. I was hooked from the start. When I noticed your kind, and your powerful heart."

Find Your Grail

2007-09-20T20:10:00.002-07:00

Broadway musicals have always taught valuable lessons in beautiful and non-condemning ways. To inspire people, you dont have to preach to them, or judge them. You only have to have the ability to communicate your views in an engaging way, and let your audience come to their own conclusion(s). I believe it is truly artistic to inspire people without making them feel degraded or wrong for thinking and feeling the way they do in that moment.

Have you ever had anyone "preach" to you about something? Every time this happens to me, I turn off almost immediately. The first thing that comes to my mind, is..."Who do you think you are? What makes you think you are so much better than me?" I don't understand how some people never stop to realize that preaching rarely gets the desired point across. I also think we grow by accepting that there are more ways than just our own. For everything.

Those people who dont get it, I call them Cliff Clavins, always know everything, and have the constant need to be right. I used to be one of those people, then I learned that I dont have to prove anything to anyone. People who know me, know my virtues, and they know my vices. I dont have to point them out, good or bad. I say what I think (when appropriate,) but I also say that I understand you have your own thoughts , and I dont judge you.

I love Broadway, because it teaches me these lessons. Everyone has their own Broadway. We all have some art form, or release, that speaks to us about life. I understand, that some people think that Broadway's packaging is a little glossier than they would like, and thats OK with me. Remember that everyone and everything can teach you something. So as they say in the Show Spamalot, "Life is really up to you, you must choose what to pursue." "Set your mind on what to find and there's nothin' you can't doooo. So keep right to the end, you'll find your grail my friend. You won't fail, find your grail."

No Day But Today

2007-09-20T20:09:00.002-07:00

About five years ago, I started feeling sick a lot. I was having severe abdominal pain, and a bunch of other issues. I had fought a battle with bulimia for a long time as a teenager. I had been in recovery for a long time, but I really thought that what was happening to me was my fault. I figured, 'okay, the laxatives, that I took that long ago is causing this, and I deserve to be sick.' I didnt go to the doctor for a long time because I was embarrassed. Finally, things progressed, and I didnt have a choice, I had to go to the doctor. A very long story short, I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. Bulimia wasn't the cause. Crohn's symptoms are pretty gross, and not appropriate for polite conversation. There is no cure. So, when I found out that this wasn't going to go away, I got pretty depressed. I had to find a way to come to terms with things, and accept the disease, and move on with my life. That was difficult for me, as I was sick all of the time, and had no one who could relate to my experience. Shortly after my diagnosis, I went on a road trip to Atlanta to see Rent. I was watching the show, and thought about the characters, about half of them have AIDS. Some were wallowing, while others were living their lives, just making the most of every day. I started thinking about the contrast.

There are people in this world whose crosses are heavier than mine. Why would I want to waste time feeling sorry for myself? I made a promise to myself that I was going to love my life, no matter what. Sometimes, being happy is as simple as just making the decision to be happy. It is certainly a lot easier than trying to think of reasons not to be. Appreciate every day. Because, healthy or sick, we never know how many days we have left. So, dont waste time! You will never get this moment back.

So remember, " There is no future, there is no past. I live this moment as my last. There's only us, there's only this, forget regret, or life is yours to miss. No other path, no other way. No day but today."

Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again

2007-09-20T20:09:00.001-07:00

When I turned eighteen, the boy that I was dating at the time, took me to see Phantom of the Opera at the Fox theater in Atlanta. I was spellbound. I remember the red velvet curtain coming down, I just stared at it, wishing the story didn't have to end. To me, the ending is the most tragic part of every story (unless it is bad, then I guess it would be the best part.)

In the Phantom of the Opera, the heroine, Christine, is an orphan. She has a relationship with the Phantom, thinking that her dead father sent her an angel of music to guide her in the ways she thinks he would have, had he not died. There is a scene where she goes to the cemetery and sings to her father's grave about her loss. In the song, she sings about how close they were, and she is saying to her father "wishing you were somehow here again, knowing we must say good bye....help me say goodbye..."

She feels so close to the phantom because she doesn't want to say goodbye to her father. She almost ruins her chance at happiness with a man who loves her because she could not let go of the phantom, and in turn, her father. The phantom was her one connection to him. She could not move on to her future until she could let go of her past.

All of us have people or happy times in our lives that we don't want to let go of. Looking back, there are so many experiences I wish I could re-live, knowing what I know now. Sometimes it hurts more than anything to say goodbye, but eventually we don't have a choice, relationships and experiences end, whether we want them to or not. The only thing that we are in control of, is how we react to the ending, and what the story has taught us.

Giving up our futures by constantly mourning our pasts is a huge waste of the limited time we all have. I choose to cherish those people to whom I was once closest. They taught me so much about life, and the kind of person that I want and strive to be. The way I look to the past makes me appreciate, and remember those important people and experiences fondly, without being sad.

Christine ends up letting go, she moved on, and I like to think she was happy because she finally had the strength to say goodbye. Our stories, and the stories of those we love, will all end someday as well. I hope we all can gather the strength to say goodbye when we need it.

For Now

2007-09-20T20:08:00.002-07:00

I am (basically) a happy person. Some people say that the people who aren't brooding all the time are shallow, or ignorant about the world's troubles. I am not ignorant, I just choose to focus on good and happy things in the world...point out what is good, and not what is bad. That makes it easy to have a positive outlook.

Although, as I wrote previously, in every life, a little rain must fall. When that happens, I think of "raindrops on roses, and whiskers on kittens." (That isn't actually true, but a little funny.) I do turn to broadway though. Since I saw Avenue Q, I think of the big finale of the show, a song called "For Now." It ALWAYS makes me feel better.

The song is about everything in life being temporary. Nothing is as bad as it seems, when you are reminded that it will pass. I am having a bad day, I turn up the stereo and listen to the puppets in Avenue Q telling me that things can't be that bad....and even if I think they are, things may not be that bad tomorrow. You can get through ANYTHING if you remember and take to heart this lesson. Also, if we learn to "accept the things we cannot avoid," we can teach ourselves how move on, and not dwell on things that worry us, or make us sad.

So, one of my favorite life lessons is, "Don't stress, Relax, Let life roll off your backs Except for death and paying taxes, Everything in life is only for now!"

A Little Fall of Rain

2007-09-20T20:08:00.001-07:00

The first musical that I ever went to see on stage was Les Miserables. I was a junior in high school. The song "Little Fall of Rain" sticks out as my favorite. One of the heroines, Eponine, climbs over a barricade to deliver a message to the hero, Marius, from the woman he loves. Now this is war time, so climbing over a barricade isn't the safest thing to do. Eponine does this, because she is desperately in love with Marius. (I am sure both of you who are reading this are thinking, "if she is in love with him why is she delivering a message from another woman?") Because her love is so true, she risks her life so that he can have a moment of joy, when he needs it so much.

I remember thinking at sixteen, "I hope, one day I love someone that much, and they love me that much in return." I also wished that I would grow into the kind of person that would have so much integrity that I would give selflessly to those people that I love, and not expect anything in return.

The only problem with that, is knowing who to make those acts for, choose that person wisely. Who will appreciate your gestures of selflessness, big or small? Will they know what you sacrificed for their happiness, or does it even matter if they don't? In Eponine's case Marius knew, and to her, that made it all worth while. If you saw the musical, you know she was shot while climbing over the barricade and dies....but she says to him as he is holding her "a little fall of rain, can hardly hurt me now, you're here, that's all I need to know. And you will keep me safe, and you will keep close and rain will make the flowers grow."

That was all she needed. Her entire life brought her to that one moment. In a life of misery, she died happy just to spend that last moment in his arms, being loved. I hope that all of us know what it is like to feel completely loved. I hope the people we choose to make sacrifices for will appreciate, and not exploit them. Then for all of us, even if rain must fall in our lives, we can make it so "this rain will wash away what's past."

No Good Deed

2007-09-20T20:06:00.002-07:00

You know, as old as I get, I really don't understand why the "two sides to every story" lesson is so hard to learn. It sounds so simple. It is so cliche....but cliches become cliches for a reason, right? Even rats can make their way through a maze easier the second time around. They are learning from their experiences. Some people are pretty adept at learning from their experiences, while others (the frustrating ones) blame everything on something or someone else. It is so easy to understand that there are two sides to every story, when we are on the unpopular side....we go around lamenting about why people never listen to both sides of the story. Then, sure enough, not too much time has passed before we (and we all have done it,) take the popular side without hearing the story of the unpopular. The lesson of the second side continues to be lost. In order to truly understand what the cliche means, you have to look at BOTH SIDES of the saying.

In small circles, early in life, two friends in school have a fight. Before you know it, the entire social circle has taken a side (usually, the only side they heard.) This continues to be an issue so many times when those same kids grow into adults. Two people are having a conversation at work, someone misinterprets (or maybe interprets correctly, but doesn't understand the motivation behind) something the other person said, and almost instantly, the whole office has taken sides. (Again, usually the only side they heard.) Don't get me wrong, in personal relationships, I am not saying that understanding someone else's point of view makes incompatible people suddenly compatible. It, however, does help you to forgive them of their transgressions. It also helps you to move on with your life in peace. Or in professional relationships, it may help you build a great working relationship with that person you would NEVER talk to on a Saturday.

On a large scale, it has been my experience that people generally believe what they are told to believe. I really think that is how elections are won. We hear one side...believe it, and close ourselves off to the possibility that there could be another side to the story. That is how wars start, that is how people condemn others for their religious or philosophical beliefs. My hero, Gandhi once said, "an eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind." I wonder how many people have taken an eye for an eye without asking why the first person took the eye in the first place? Maybe the orginal intention was good....you never know unless you ask....Usually the right side is not a side at all....

Why I love Broadway

2007-09-20T20:06:00.001-07:00

OK, here is my theory on Broadway....In a broadway musical the main characters always have some major obstacle(s) to overcome (much like life.) Frequently, they have been betrayed by someone they love (much like life.) ALWAYS, by the big finale, they have overcome the obstacle and or forgiven the person who betrayed them (much UN-like life.) Upon first impression, musicals can seem kitchy, and shallow, (much like a lot of people.) Then you find, if you listen to them, and try to understand their message, you will (in many cases) be a better person for knowing them. there is strife, pain, and heartbreak. But there is also singing, dancing and laughter (much like life.)

Broadway musicals have taught me that no matter how bad things seem to be, "it's only for now" to quote the musical Avenue Q. They have taught me that the power of perception, while frustrating, is very real (Wicked.) They have taught me that there is "no day, but today" (Rent.) (Rent also taught me that there are 525,600 minutes in a year practical, huh?) =)They have taught me to "always look on the bright side of life" (Spamalot.)

I could go on for pages....but I will close by stating, that in my opinion, if everyone loved Broadway, the world may be a better place.